I don't have kids, but I have noticed that there has been a shift in social consciousness recently that's been very negative towards parents, teachers, and other caregivers. Part of it is the pedophilia scare. Part of it is the anti-discipline crusade. Most of it comes down to what George Carlin termed "Child worship" - the idea that kids are pure and perfect and we ought to encourage and support whatever they want to do instead of trying to make them into little versions of us.
There are several problems with this attitude in application, and there are plenty of people willing to explain those problems, in language more emotional than I'm prepared to publish. What I'd like to do is list some of the things I think the next generation needs to be taught, by teachers, parents, and all the rest of us adults in their region of influence. It's not my responsibility as a single, childless person to try to parent a child or to give parenting advice to a parent. But it is my responsibility, as a human, as an American, as a Christian, and most importantly as an adult to model the behavior I want to see in others and to explain to people who ask why I do what I do, and why I do it that way.
These are the things I want kids to learn -
1. You are special. Cynical people will tell you you're not, and they're wrong. Naïve people will tell you that's enough, and they're wrong too. You are not unique. There are other people in the world similar to you, but no one just like you. You can do things other people can't, or can do things better than other people can. But being special isn't enough. You can't just say "I'm special" and expect people to give you whatever you want, or even what you need. It's up to you to figure out what makes you special and find some way to use that to better yourself and those around you. If you don't do anything with your specialness, it stops being special.
2. Nothing is always right or always wrong. You can't judge things without context. Sometimes you won't know what is right, and maybe there's no way you can. Sometimes you have to accept that you just don't know the answer.
3. There is a difference in someone doing things you don't like and someone being a bad person.
4. You will not always do better or worse than anyone else. It's natural that you will compare your own state to the state of the people around you, but you shouldn't put a lot of importance on your observations. Sometimes the people you think aren't doing as well as you have done much better in the past, or will do much better in the future, and vice-versa. People are successful and unsuccessful in different quantities at different times. Also, this doesn't mean that any of the people you compare yourself to are any better or worse than you are.
5. You need to decide for yourself what constitutes success and failure, and also what degrees of each you're willing to live with for the short term. You also need to know what society considers a success and a failure, and to be prepared for harsh criticism if your standards are different. Criticism doesn't mean you should change, but it is a cost you have to pay to do things your own way.
6. People will lie to you all the time. Sometimes because they want something from you, sometimes just to be mean, sometimes as a reflex without even thinking about it. You won't always know which is which. Try not to rely on information you can't verify, and try not to make decisions based solely on what other people tell you.
7. People can change, but they won't unless they want to and think they need to, and even then there's a lot of work involved. People who want to change usually try and fail many times, but if they never stop trying they will eventually succeed. "Wanting to" isn't the same as trying, either. Acknowledging the need for change is important, but doesn't usually cause the change on its own.
8. Don't be afraid to chase your dreams, but remember you can't chase all of them, and some of them won't come true no matter what. Does your dream seem unreasonable? If you want it, go for it anyway. If it doesn't work out, try again. If it doesn't work that time, try a different approach. But if it seems like it never works, no matter what, then you should probably let go and chase a different dream.
9. A lot of times, people will present you with choices limited to two extremes. Usually, the more emotional the issue, the more simple they want the extremes to seem. It's almost never true. Remember, if the right choice is easy, people don't argue about it. If they're arguing, it's not because one is right and one is wrong. It's because they both think they're right, and really there may be more than one good answer or even no good answer at all.
10. Most difficult things in life aren't tests, challenges, or secret riddles disguised as problems. They're just difficult. Most things worth having are difficult to get. That's why people want them.
11. There's nothing wrong with being idealistic, but there's a difference in being idealistic and being naïve. Idealists find something they want to change about the world, talk about it, come up with a plan to make it happen, work the plan, solve problems to the plan as they arise, and keep working and re-working until they make their vision a reality. Naïve people find something they want to change about the world, talk about it, and then pretend they already have it.
12. There's nothing wrong with being cynical, either, and while it is likely to make you smarter, it's not likely to make you happier.
13. People have a right to be wrong. If you disagree with someone, even if you're right, most of the time you're better off letting them be wrong than trying to change them. Also, most people will say they see the world differently than they really do. They will say they see it the way they wish they saw it. You'll never make any progress arguing with them.
14. Most of the people who get what they want out of life do so according to a time-tested and nearly foolproof formula - you have to have natural talent, you have to develop that talent into a useful skill, you have to have a workable plan for that skill, you have to work really hard, and you have to be really lucky. Most people will acknowledge everything but the luck.
15. You should learn where to draw the line on the following things. They are all gray areas with no absolute answer, and wherever you draw it, you will run into someone who disagrees with you eventually. You should know the differences in:
quitting and accepting defeat and moving on
persisting and uselessly banging your head against a wall
telling someone the truth, telling someone what they want to hear, and telling someone something that's unnecessarily cruel
what is right and what you want; and vice versa
winning and not losing; and vice versa
chasing a dream and tilting at a windmill
being cautious and being cowardly
being brave and being foolhardy
being successful and being respectable
being successful and having prestige
being feared and being respected
being feared and being loved
being accepted and being tolerated
loving someone and liking someone
friends and contacts
hurting someone and harming someone
encouraging someone, criticizing someone, and helping someone
living with a purpose and living without one
16. Most importantly, you should know that you are responsible for you. It's increasingly popular to find something, a concept, an illness, a group, a person, a policy, an adversary, etc for all the problems in life. The truth is problems exist for everyone, everywhere, all the time, and they always have. They're not the same, and they're not all the same degree of severity, but they're always there. You will never be happy if you wait for them to go away, and especially not if you wait for someone to take them away. You have to make your own choices and accept the consequences of them. Bad things will happen to you that are not your fault, but if you just wait for them to get better, or for someone to make them better for you, they become your fault. You must either make them better or decide how to proceed in spite of them.
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